At times it is important to appear engaged with a speaker, even while last night's episode of Friends replays itself in the mind of the listener. Suppose one finds oneself waiting on a date. Meanwhile, the longwinded father regales this person with the tales of a high school football career which was cut short by a knee injury. Job interviews also create situations where success may hinge upon the perceived notion that the interviewee is enthralled with the prospective employer. Whatever the situation may be, feigning interest is as much a skill as it is an art. It is my hope that the reader will be able to successfully endure even the most painful conversation by merely utilizing a few rules-of-thumb.
Often the situations which bore us the most are the very situations that we can not flatly ignore. All but the youngest of people can recall the agony of lengthy parental scoldings. These tend to be sudden and shocking lectures, stemming from an unforeseen flaw in a covert cover-up once thought to be fail-safe. If the child does not appear to become more learned as a result of a stern lecture, the parental diatribe is likely to carry on needlessly.
In preparing for all situations of this type, the first line of defense is verbal in nature. I can not stress enough the importance of vague commentary. I contend that this seemingly innocuous detail is perhaps the most important area of feigned interest. While such ambiguous phrases as "Really?" and "You don't say?" are tried and true, they can not be relied upon with regularity. No one will argue the necessity for reflex interjections; however, success is virtually guaranteed if these utterances are not obvious or expected. Instead, they should be as varied as they are timely. One extremely common mistake is to rely on a sparse selection of replies, recycled repeatedly. After the third "You don't say?" is spoken, the apathy could be no more obvious than if the listener had begun to snore.
Additionally, it is necessary to refrain from using incongruous commentary of inappropriate content. For example, a teenager would very likely bring about suspicion by declaring "Jumping Jesus on a pogo-stick" or "Well I'll be jiggered!" in a conversation with a peer. Suspicion would be equally cast upon the individual who blurts out "Get the hell outta here, dawg!", while on the receiving end of a detailed account of D-Day as told by one of its survivors.
Body language is sometimes thought of as a matter of questionable import in the art of conversational deception. I have seen many would-be experts fall into this trap. In fact, I have watched in horror as an otherwise perfect performance was tainted by the tell-tale crossing of arms, shifting of position, or roving of eyes. While there is no way to eliminate the body's need to readjust position, I have some suggestions on the proper way to do so. It may be helpful to utilize a chair and a mirror if one is to visualize fully the following descriptions.
For reasons unknown and outside the scope of this essay, deep thinkers are often found to have their hands in the pockets of their pants or coat. This is initially a circumstantial detail and in itself not a crucial part of the illusory interest. That said, if the babbling of the speaker drags on at such length that the "listener" must shift positions, it then becomes necessary to reposition the hands as well. Simply moving the hands from the front pockets to the rear denotes an air of active participation in the dialogue. That is perhaps better detailed in the case of the seated interviewee.
Over the course of a single job interview, one will often shift positions in excess of a dozen times. From the perspective of the individual conducting the interview, repeated movement in only the sub-torso region of the person across the desk from them can easily be misconstrued as fidgeting. On the other hand, if the shift is accompanied by a crossing of the legs and a cupping of the knee with both hands, the commotion may be overlooked entirely. There is much to be gained by practicing position shifts in front of the mirror. A jaunty flip of the hair, for example, is only minutely differentiated from a hair flip of arrogance. It is through proper mirror acting that the subtle differences in perception become apparent.
It is not possible to account for every situation. Even the most ardent student of conversational debauchery will occasionally find themselves on the brink of being exposed as a fraud. However,when faced with this exposure, there is one final trick which can be utilized with almost certain success. In fact, this little gem has been a family trademark for generations: when all else fails and hope appears lost, simply throw your head back and laugh knowingly. It is fiendish in its simplicity and infallible by design.
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