How You Can Help Your Gay Son Survive High School - Family - Parenting

I spent over thirty years teaching in highly selective universities. During that time, I had many conversations with my students, some of whom are gay. Often these gay students will tell me about their lives during their high school years. High school was a pleasant experience for some of the young men and women, but for many of them it seemed to be an agonizing experience. My students, naturally, managed to get through whatever bad experiences they had, at least well enough to be admitted to my university. However, I wonder about those who did not adapt as well to their sometimes daily traumas.

For some non-straight students, their home is not a pleasant environment and is highly unsupportive of any efforts on their part to maintain an academic focus. We know, for example, that approximately a third of gay students are physically abused by members of their own family (parents and/or siblings) due to their sexual orientation. We know that some of those gay students must actually leave their own home to insure their well-being. Some become homeless, while others move in with friends who have supportive parents. Hopefully you will work to provide a nurturing environment for your gay child.

Particularly if you have a gay son in high school, he may be experiencing a very difficult time there. Nearly half of all gay high school boys experience harassment at school. Often they find themselves too embarrassed to talk about it. Whether or not you accept their homosexuality, it is important to be able to talk to your son in a relaxed and open atmosphere to learn whether he is encountering those sorts of school problems. This means acknowledging that he is gay, something that many parents have a hard time doing. The alternative is possible academic failure or much worse. Gay youth are three to four times more likely to commit suicide than their straight counterparts.

Watch for whether your son or daughter is spending time with friends. Social contact with their age peers is essential for all teenagers, yet the majority of gay teens report feelings of isolation. If your child does not go out with friends or if no friends are coming to visit, you might check with a trusted teacher to see whether he or she seems to have friends at school. Encourage your child to join at least one extra-curricular activity at school. Whether it is the football team, the chess club, the chorus or the gay-straight alliance doesnt matter. Anything that involves interaction with other students on a regular basis is productive.

You need to do these things regardless of your personal views toward minority sexual orientations. Your job as a parent is to love your children and to foster their education during these critical years. The key to success in your role is to establish an environment that is conducive to genuinely open communication and learning.

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